Insights on loneliness and boredom

A few months back, my 7-year old granddaughter complained to me: “Thatha, I’m getting bored. Let us play some game or tell me some interesting story”. That was the first time ever I heard her complain about boredom. I realized that’s a sure sign of growing up. Slowly but surely she is losing her childlike innocence. She is just one step away from saying: I’m feeling lonely and bored.

We all know small children never complain about boredom or loneliness. They will always have something to keep themselves busy and happy. For instance, my much younger grandson is always busy playing by himself. He is happy in his own world!

This incident provoked me to explore the anatomy of loneliness. Living in a city like Bombay, especially during these pandemic times, I know what is loneliness. We become acutely aware of this when we wake up in the middle of the night, stare into darkness and cannot get back to sleep. There is this intense and heightened feeling of loneliness. What do we do about it? Predictably, we try to escape from it. Don’t we? The feeling of loneliness is fought by entertaining all kinds of thoughts about the past and the future, till we finally get exhausted and tired mentally. Still the feeling of loneliness will not go away, however much we may try using different strategies to escape. Clearly, escapism will never work in any field. On the other hand, it may exacerbate the situation. What is the solution, if there is any? Let us explore.

Is it possible to transform loneliness into aloneness – a state of quietude and peace. Aloneness is different from loneliness. Aloneness is a choice to be left alone. On the other hand, one tries to escape from loneliness since it gives one uncomfortable feelings of fear, anxiety, insecurity or tiredness. In aloneness, one’s state of mind is peaceful, calm and relaxed. In a way, It’s a meditative state or can lead to a state of meditation. How does one bring about this transformation? It cannot happen by any magic, after all. It can happen only by facing loneliness, not by trying to escape from it. Observe loneliness as a disinterested observer. Then slowly but surely, one can reach a meditative state, a peaceful state in which you really understand the meaning of loneliness. A person who feels lonely is self-centred and has a narrow sense of self as if the entire world is revolving around him or her. Such a person is bound to feel restless and worried about present and future. If one is able to expand the sense of self beyond the petty narrow self, he is no more lonely. For instance, for a person serving the community around him, there is no such thing as loneliness. It’s a universal law that a person who is merely serving his own interests all the time cannot be happy. That’s the way the universe works.

That is why, spiritual masters who have understood the real meaning of ”Aham Bramasmi”, never feel lonely and the accompanying feelings of insecurity, restlessness etc. Identifying their self with the universal self, they are always in a state of Ananda and try to spread the message of oneness of humanity.